The twinkling lights are up, the music is playing, and your calendar is filling faster than a shopping cart on Black Friday. While others seem to float through December with ease, you might be sitting there wondering why everything feels so intensely overwhelming.
First, let's be clear: if you're experiencing big emotions right now, you're not alone. As women with ADHD, we experience emotions more intensely than most – and the holidays have a way of amplifying everything.
Why Holiday Overwhelm Hits Differently with ADHD
Think of your typical day as a cup of water. You've learned to manage it, even if it occasionally spills over. But during the holidays? It's like someone keeps adding more water when you're already at capacity:
- Social events that demand energy and attention
- Disrupted daily routines that normally keep you grounded
- Extra planning and organizing requirements
- Increased sensory input (lights, sounds, crowds)
- Financial decisions and tracking
- Family dynamics and expectations
When your emotional regulation system is already working overtime, these additions can feel impossible to handle.
Practical Ways to Create Space for Yourself
- Schedule "Decision-Free" Days: Mark specific days on your calendar where you make no new commitments. These are your reset days – think of them as your emotional oxygen mask.
- Create a "Holiday Command Center": Designate one spot (physical or digital) for all holiday-related information. This might be a corner of your kitchen or a note on your phone. The key is having one place to track gifts, events, and tasks instead of letting them bounce around in your head.
- Set Up Your "No" Template: Draft a kind but firm response for declining invitations. Having this ready removes the emotional labor of crafting the perfect response each time. Something like: "Thank you for thinking of me! I need to pass this time, but I'm looking forward to connecting in the new year."
Emotional Support Strategies That Actually Work
Remember how ADHD brains process rejection sensitivity more intensely? This can make saying no or setting boundaries feel almost physically painful. Here's how to support yourself:
- Name Your Limits: Instead of pushing through overwhelm, practice saying: "I notice I'm feeling overwhelmed" or "I need a break." Simply naming these feelings can reduce their power.
- Choose Your Priority People: Identify 3-5 key people who matter most this season. Focus your emotional energy there, rather than trying to meet everyone's expectations.
- Challenge the "Should" Thoughts: When you hear yourself thinking "I should be able to handle this" or "everyone else can manage," pause. Replace these thoughts with: "I'm doing my best with my unique brain" or "It's okay to do the holidays differently."
A Gentle Reminder
Your sensitivity and emotional intensity are part of who you are – they're the same qualities that make you empathetic, creative, and deeply caring. The goal isn't to eliminate these feelings but to work with them more effectively.
What To Do Right Now If You're Overwhelmed:
- Take three deep breaths
- Write down everything spinning in your mind
- Pick ONE small task to focus on
- Remind yourself: "I can do hard things, just not all of them at once"
Remember, you don't have to transform into a holiday productivity machine. You're allowed to experience this season in a way that works for your unique brain – even if that looks different from everyone else's approach.
Question for reflection: What's one holiday tradition or expectation you could simplify or let go of this year?
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